[Private to Friends of Oz Peeps (ya rly Sebastian) & Other known friends of Miss CJ Emerson]

What up, homefries?

If you didn't get the 411, Tuesday is the birthday of honorary Samurai Master C-to-the-J Emerson. She's going to be 25, that's a whole quarter of a century old, like when wine is that old, they start hella overcharging for it, so this is kind of a big deal.

Cassia and I have planned a birthday party of infinite awesome and extreme ninja stealth (that means if you tell her about it, you'll shame the clan and have to commit ritual suicide or be banished from New York).

Be at the CassionasJ crib by 7PM on Tuesday, or risk ruining the surprise and facing the wrath of mighty warriors who will hunt you down harder than Cloverfield. We have food and entertainment Under Control, so just bring your mojo and celebrate with the coolest dog walker this side of the galaxy.

Presents are mandatory, but can totally be homemade.

What do measles look like?

If anyone needs an old organ, there's a guy selling them in jars for wicked cheap on the northwest side of Washington Square Park. You have to give him a buck to pull back the blanket, but it's totally worth it. I wish he was there for all my tours, it freaked the tourists out way more than the Hanging Tree.



Um, does the Black Plague still exist, like, maybe as the Black Outbreak or the Black Randomly Striking Infection?

The woods are pretty awesome, except I'm kind of over it now. Uh, so, there's some boy scout green living hiker hippie way to tell which direction is north, right? Because I've been out here for like four hours and I'm totally doing a Blair Witch, and I'm pretty sure I'm going to get mauled by a bear or a mansquito or something.

I'm not so sure about the whole George W. and Hillary and Obama and, like, Queen Elizabeth being shapeshifting lizard aliens thing, but it would be kind of awesome if they were. Especially if they had some kind of laser death matches.

I'm going to go to Mexico and stalk the mighty Chupacabras with, like, a flaming crossbow. If anyone wants to go on a road trip, you should totally come. Especially if you have a car. Uh, or a crossbow. Or general combat experience. Does anyone know what happened to that place in the village that used to do uh, like...famous paintings on cookies?


TWEEMO KID: You need to take back this half-naked woman you sent to my wife for her birthday. She's not into kinky action figure furries role play and it's scaring her, okay? Don't make me cut you.

So these women in Florida are totally baking babies on tv, and then these freaky British people are giving them like a solid grand per baby. It's kind of warped, but apparently there's a big market for it. Max, we should totally try this to pay for your tuition.

Oh, and if you haven't tried a Peep s'more, you definitely should. Is there anywhere to build a campfire in Manhattan that won't get you arrested?

Comrades of fiction, prime your empty Smirnoff and Jose Cuervo bottles, because Jonny's Salvage Service will be back in town tomorrow. I haven't seen the ocean for five months, so that's a lot of back-logged nautical mail to deliver.

Collection time starts: Saturday @ 7:42AM
anticipate and participate

Glass, plastic, we take it all. Caps mandatory, just leave bottles outside your door. Off-site residents: drop a comment bomb for a pick up--you know the drill. Orange juice and tips accepted with humble gratitude. Receipt of good karma or complementary fortune telling available upon request.